Sometimes that cloud rolls in when I least expect it...or maybe I expect it and try to avoid it, but I can feel it smothering me like a hand gripping my chest, snatching my breath.
My inner self is telling me not to run, not to hide or avoid it, not to pretend like it’s not there, but to feel. Feel my way through it. To let the tears fall and breathe.
So I do.
I let the hiccups roll forth. I let the sorrow do whatever it has to do. I groan out for my Father as I let the tears fall.
I realize I can go months avoiding your existence, but July always makes me face you.
I’m just being honest.
I’m always strong, until I’m weak. And oh how I hate being weak.
Vulnerability is like a double edged sword. Powerful, yet painful. It forces me to see truth.
I hope tomorrow is a better day. Hopefully, today I got all the pain out for now. And sadly after tomorrow, I’m sure I’ll tuck you away again until I’m forced to face you another day.
Happy Eve BJJ
**Dear Diary Community...how do you deal with grief?**